Memorial Portraits: How to Honour Someone Well
Commissioning a memorial portrait is a tender thing to do.
It is not just about creating a likeness. It is about honouring someone’s life in a way that feels truthful, and giving yourself (or your family) something steady to return to when words run out.
If you are considering a memorial portrait, here are a few practical, gentle things that can help you make decisions without feeling rushed.
Start with one simple question
Before you choose a photo, a size, or a style, ask:
What do I want this portrait to hold?
For some people, it is comfort. For others, it is gratitude. Sometimes it is unfinished grief, and you want something that acknowledges the weight without being bleak. There is no “right” answer, but naming the intention helps everything else fall into place.
1) Choose a reference photo that feels like them
The best memorial reference photo is rarely the most polished one.
Look for an image where:
The expression feels familiar
The eyes feel present (even if the photo is imperfect)
The lighting is gentle enough that you can clearly read the features
If you find yourself quietly thinking, yes – that’s them, pay attention to that.
If you only have one photo, that is okay. A memorial portrait can still be done from a single image. It just means we may need a little more context from you.
2) Decide what you want included (and what you do not)
This is where memorial portraits can become deeply personal.
Some people want:
A specific age or season of life
A meaningful item (a necklace, a wedding ring, a favourite jumper)
A hint of place (a garden, a coastline, a chair by a window)
Others want the portrait to be simple, quiet, and focused only on the face.
Both are valid.
If there are details you do not want included (a hospital setting, signs of illness, a background that feels heavy), it helps to say so clearly. You are not being difficult. You are protecting the purpose of the piece.
3) Think about “presence” more than perfection
In grief, it is easy to fixate on accuracy.
But a memorial portrait is not a forensic record. It is an act of honour.
A portrait can be accurate in two ways:
Likeness – does it look like them?
Presence – does it feel like them?
Presence often comes through small things: the softness around the eyes, the tilt of the head, the way light sits on the face. These are the details that matter most when you are living with the portrait over time.
4) Give yourself permission to take your time
If you are commissioning a portrait soon after a loss, you may feel pressure to “do something” quickly.
You do not have to.
Some people commission a memorial portrait immediately because they need something tangible. Others wait months or years until the grief has settled enough to make decisions without panic.
If you are unsure, it can help to start with a conversation rather than a commitment.
5) Choose a size that fits the role of the portrait
Size is not only about budget. It is about how you want the portrait to live in your home.
A smaller piece can feel intimate – something you pass by daily, quietly.
A larger piece can feel like a statement of honour – something that anchors a room.
If the portrait is for a shared family space, consider where it will hang and how often people will see it. If it is for a private space (a bedroom, a study), you may choose differently.
6) Ask about the process and revision points
When you are grieving, uncertainty can feel heavier than it normally would.
A clear process helps.
Before you commission, ask the artist:
What happens after I send photos?
Will I see a composition plan or sketch?
Is there a halfway preview?
How many revisions are included, and at what stage?
What is the timeline?
A memorial portrait is emotional work. You deserve a process that feels steady.
7) Consider whether you want the portrait to be “bright” or “quiet”
Some memorial portraits are full of light. Others are restrained.
Neither is more respectful.
Light can communicate gratitude, hope, and warmth.
Quiet can communicate reverence, depth, and honesty.
If faith is part of your life, you may also want the portrait to carry that sense of grounded hope – not forced positivity, but something true.
8) If the portrait is a gift, plan for timing and sensitivity
Memorial portraits are sometimes commissioned as gifts for a spouse, a parent, or a friend.
If that is you, consider:
Whether the recipient wants a memorial portrait (some people do, some are not ready)
Whether you should involve them in the photo choice
Whether the timing is wise (anniversary dates can be meaningful, but also tender)
A gift can be beautiful, but it should not become a surprise that overwhelms.
9) Practical care: framing and longevity
If your memorial portrait is watercolour, it will typically be framed behind glass to protect the paper. Archival materials matter.
A good framer will help with:
Acid-free matting and backing
Proper spacing so the artwork does not touch the glass
UV-protective glass if the portrait will hang in a brighter room
This is not about being precious. It is about protecting something that will likely become part of your family’s story.
A gentle closing thought
A memorial portrait cannot fix grief.
But it can become a place to rest your eyes when you miss them. A way to honour the life that was actually lived. A reminder that love does not disappear just because someone is gone.
If you are considering a memorial portrait and you are not sure where to start, you can simply begin by gathering the photos you have and telling me a little about who they were, and what you want the portrait to hold.
